I read a blog post back in July that has really stuck with me: "Attachment Parenting doesn't have to mean Child-Centered Parenting" by Erin at Growing with my Girls. It's long, but quite interesting, and I encourage you to read through the whole thing. I was initially quite wary of the attachment parenting thing, but figured I needed to learn more, as attachment parenting often develops when you're doing ecological breastfeeding, which is part of NFP. But this post applies to everyone, not just NFPers!
Why? Because she says we shouldn't be child-centered, but family-centered. And I love that. It's a message for everyone - even those without children.
It seems like so much well-known parenting advice intends to keep your child from being spoiled (e.g., you must make your child learn to sleep by crying it out or else), and yet over the years children have become more and more spoiled and selfish (my generation included!). I think it has to do with our child-centered mentality, where we focus only on our child/ren to the exclusion of all else. Hello helicopter parents, moms who are really just shuttles to taxi their children from one activity to the next, parents whose lives are dictated by their children's demands as seen on SuperNanny, etc.
Now, I know I have absolutely no authority to speak on this, as we don't have kids yet (and no, we're not expecting), and I'm sure we will also struggle with balancing schedules and activities and such. But my goal is for us to have a family-centered mentality, where our decisions are based on what is best for us as a family unit. And the thing is, this isn't a specifically "parenting" philosophy. This is something that starts with marriage, long before kids. My husband the scientist and I make our decisions based on what is best for us. Sometimes that will mean doing what seems to be best for me, sometimes that will mean doing what seems to best for him - but it's always what's best for us that is the motivation.
And "family" can include different generations at different times. Right now I generally consider my husband and I to be our own family when it comes to most decisions. But after my mother-in-law passed away, we needed to put my in-laws on par with the two of us. Was I thrilled about the prospect of moving in with my father-in-law and saying good-bye to, ahem, the delights of newlywed bliss whenever wherever? Well, honestly, I didn't really mind all that much, because I knew that this decision was the best for our family - both the two of us and our larger family.
So when we have kids, this family-centered approach will (hopefully) be an easy extension. Sometimes what is best for baby will be best for family. Other times mommy or daddy's needs might win out. I don't think it's good to think of it as winning or losing, though - because everybody wins when you put the family above the individuals in it. And I think this will be all the more relevant when you start having multiple children.
Anyway, this line of thinking really resonated with me. When I'm feeling crabby and insisting things be my way or the highway, I have to remind myself that our family is the highest priority. Sometimes that means I continue to demand ask for what I want, because I truly think that's what best for us; sometimes that means I acquiesce for the greater good.
I'd love to hear your thoughts, on prioritizing family above individuals or whatever!
Have you ever read something online that just sticks with you? That really affects your outlook on an aspect of your life? (Or just something that made you laugh so hard you almost peed your pants, and whenever you have a bad day you go look at it again?) Do share!