This is a follow-up to this post. Heads up, this is turning into a three part series!
Before I dive into my dresser drawers, it seems to me there are more big picture things to address…
Modesty obviously refers to much more than clothing. I’m not really exploring the important internal aspect of modesty in the present discussion, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think it deserves to be addressed! It seems to me that modesty in action and modesty in dress go hand-in-hand: one fosters the other. This article really struck me in this regard (especially since she questions the modesty of blogging!). A quote:
[A] culture built on attention-getting and self-promotion is never going to teach young people why that should be proper in every venue except the field of fashion.
So often we dress for attention! We want the attention of both men and women. We want them to look at us and admire us. And I’ll throw this out there: Sometimes women actually are dressing to make their brothers stumble. We don’t realize this is our intent, but when you’re striving to look sexy, well, isn’t it? (Note: I am just as guilty as anyone in this!) If you want every guy in the room to notice you, whether he’s in a committed relationship or not; if you hope someone finds you irresistibly attractive, aren’t you intentionally citing lust?
I think we’re all tempted to this. But as I said last time, I do not think this is the best reason for modesty. Our own dignity is. As another article points out,
[I]t a mistake to put so much emphasis on the danger of tempting men to sin. It is certainly a part of the problem, but it is at most only a secondary part. Treating it as if it were the "main point" of modest dress can make matters worse, in two ways. For some it will only aggravate the puritanical tendency [that a previous author] rightly lamented for causing many women to dress in ugly, bag-like clothing that hides their shape. If the main idea of modesty is seeing to it that we don't tempt our brothers to sin, then obviously the more invisible we make our figures the better. Modesty is reduced to its negative aspect, i.e. sexual-sin-avoidance. Its deeper essence as reverence for the sexual sphere is down-played or lost entirely.
Yes – reverence! Why do we need to dress modestly in the first place? Because our bodies are evil and ugly? No – because our bodies are holy and beautiful! It’s not about hiding the bad – it’s about veiling the good.
And reverence isn’t just relegated to the female figure. It’s something men should abide by, too.
Applying Modesty to Men
I really enjoyed this funny article about modesty, among other reasons because the author points out that men should dress modestly, too! He notes that in Chaucer’s time, men wore quite revealing tights, which left nothing to the imagination. To which I crinkle my nose and say eww.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that immodesty in men is not just a thing of the past. Remember when basketball players wore tight short shorts? Well, I wasn’t actually alive for that, but I get a big kick out of seeing the pictures:
And even now, this is an issue. I’ll give you a second to think of one way that men are still immodest in their dress.
Got it yet? I’ll give you a hint: “gangstas” and the teenage boys who emulate them…
Yes, I’m referring to seeing guys’ boxers because their pants are falling off them. (Not sexy in the least, but to be immodest a look doesn’t actually have to be attractive.) You could also argue that wearing those undershirts and all that bling is immodest.
Okay, so as a “feminist” I feel better on two counts now. 1) As discussed last time, dressing modestly prevents female objectification, and 2) modesty needs to be applied to both men and women’s dress.
Modesty, Femininity, and Fashion
So if modesty also applies to men, what about “modesty” guidelines that don’t allow pants? Obviously those guidelines are directed towards women. But really, are pants themselves immodest? No – they cover more than a knee-length skirt. Although you could argue that they show more of the shape of a woman’s legs, I don’t think that’s the issue. The issue here is that modesty is very often conflated with femininity. I think it’s nice when women put emphasis on looking feminine. But strictly speaking, that’s not the same as modesty.* I think that modesty at its most basic is about covering the sacred.
I can certainly respect women who choose to only wear skirts and dresses. At this point, I am fairly confident that in my pursuit of modesty I will still be wearing jeans and even shorts. Just from a practical standpoint, I don’t have enough dresses and skirts to rid my wardrobe of everything but that. (I might make it through a summer, but certainly not through these colder months.) All that said, I personally would like to work on dressing in a more feminine manner, because (a) it makes me feel pretty and (b) my husband likes it.
But dresses don’t necessarily equate to feeling pretty - in particular when the dress is unfashionable. Think of the much-maligned jean jumper. Rip it all you want, but remember ladies, that was actually in style for a while there!
That brings us to a final consideration: is it important for Christian women to (not) dress fashionably? I’ve heard arguments for both sides, and once again the answer seems to lie somewhere in between. Some say Christian women should dress fashionably so that others feel comfortable around them, can relate to them, evangelize easier, what-have-you. Others say absolutely not, Christian women should not cave in to the standards of the secular world around them, they should stand out as a beacon for Christ amid the debauchery. I for one don’t think fashion and modesty are mutually exclusive. While it might take some effort, a woman should be able to dress in a way that is both stylish and respectful. Also crucial to that is her attitude. It will take effort not to succumb to a holier than thou attitude towards her secular sisters when a woman adopts modesty, just as it takes effort not to mock her religious sisters’ more rigorous standards (and yes, their jean jumpers). But I think it can be done.
And apparently I think it should be done. Darn. Writing about this really means I have to do it, huh?
I went out and bought Wendy Shalit’s book “A Return to Modesty” this weekend and plan to start reading it tonight. I’ll let you know what she has to add to this discussion once I finish it. I haven’t yet decided if I will overhaul my wardrobe before, during, or after reading that… but it is coming. Whether I like it or not.
As always, I'd love to hear your take on this! Can and should we demand modesty from men as well as women? What is the relationship between modesty and femininity? Is it possible to dress fashionably and modestly? Any closet jean-jumper lovers out there?
*I’m actually somewhat open to debate on this. Depending on how you define modesty (perhaps “avoiding indecency” or “revering/respecting our bodies as males/females”), I think an argument could be made for a stronger association of traditional femininity and modesty.