It's off to the big linguistics conference tomorrow, and suddenly I've been struck with nervousness.
At first it was just jitters over having to take the train to get there. Public transportation is a terrifying thing to a small town girl. Add her husband's repeated warnings not to stray more than two blocks away from the train station ("just take the first taxi you see"), and her armpits will break out in a sweat. He will not understand her anxiety, as his rational mind is being practical. Her neurotic mind will be flashing through worst case scenarios, from missing her stop to losing her purple suitcase to being mugged, and she will not be able to coherently explain why a simple train ride scares the pants off her.
She will beg, plead, and cajole to try to just drive instead, even if it might take longer and traffic is horrendous and parking is ridiculously expensive. At least she'd be in control that way. Then she'll finally remember who is ultimately in control, realize that her husband isn't changing his mind and is frankly just annoyed by her whining, and pull it together.
That's where I was this afternoon. Finally getting over that, when I realized I was completely unprepared for my presentation. I've printed out my poster, but have no spiels planned or handouts printed. And oh yes, this is where job interviews happen! Not that there are any jobs out there, but just in case there were, how was my CV (academic resume) looking? Do I have a pitch ready for potential employers? Am I geared up to network?
This has really revealed to me how far gone I am from grad school. I'm doing the bare minimum to get this thing done. Here's hoping this conference will be the kick in the pants I need to reignite my excitement and enjoyment of this stuff! (Or at least enough motivation to help me to finish writing my dissertation.)
See you all next week - and believe me when I say I will miss you!