We got to the doors of the maternity ward and buzzed in. Our hospital is concerned about babies being stolen so the maternity ward is on constant lockdown. The nurse that met us at the door was the nurse that my wife had met before and really liked. This was a small consolation because we were about to meet the doctor that we didn’t want, and be reaffirmed in that judgment. When the nurse met us she said, “Wow, you’re really pregnant” and proceeded to tell us about how women show up without even having contractions.
The nurse showed us to our labor and delivery room and helped us get comfortable. She attached an IV port and got my wife hooked up to the monitor. They kept her attached to the monitor a little bit longer and made her drink a glass of sugar water because they wanted to see the baby’s heart rate change. The doctor came in to check my wife. She was 5 centimeters (maybe we should have prayed that she would be 8 cm), but the doctor couldn’t find the baby’s head because my wife’s water was in the way. The doctor was afraid to really search for the head because he didn’t want to break my wife’s water immediately.
While the doctor was there, we asked a few questions. We asked if we could delay cutting the umbilical cord and whether she could push out the placenta naturally. He responded no to both, and in the first case he said something snide to the effect of that’s stupid and wrote it off. And when it came to passing the placenta he said they would immediately dose her up with Pitocin after the birth to help her push out the placenta. We weren’t happy with either, but what were we going to do? We were 12+ hours into the labor and knew we were stuck with this doctor for the rest of the way out.
My wife labored for the next two hours. She got comfortable in a rocking chair and we watched as her contractions became shorter and more spaced out. I tried to urge her to walk around or at least stand up, but she just got too comfortable and wanted to go back to sleep. This was ironic because throughout the whole labor she just kept telling me “I’m just not comfortable” and “Why can’t I get comfortable?”
After two hours, the doctor came back in to check her status. At this point she was only 6 cm dilated. The doctor wanted to find the head of the baby so he put on a glove and went to check. Before he checked he looked at me and said “I’m going to check where the baby is. This means I’m going to have to navigate around the water and the water might break.” As he looked at me and said that, I heard a blurp. He just broke my wife’s water. A mess of water came right out, pouring onto the sheets below my wife. My wife went immediately from 6 cm to 7 cm.
That blurp noise is a noise I’ll never forget. I can’t describe it, but I remember it. And I remember the room, the darkness of the room, the doctor staring at me, the doctor’s long soliloquy before he broke the water, and the relief I felt that her water broke – finally! I thought, “Let’s get this show on the road.”
After my wife’s water broke, labor intensified. I thought the baby would be coming out real soon. Contractions got stronger, my wife seemed like she was screaming every time she felt one. However, my wife just wanted to get comfortable. So she sat back down in the rocking chair and dealt with the contractions. This wasn’t good. It seemed like labor was stalling.
At around 5:00 I convinced my wife to stand up, walk to the bathroom, and take a shower to try to get things going. She reluctantly complied. As soon as she got in the shower, we got her back out because she felt too cold. All wasn’t a failure, though, because it seemed like standing up got labor really going again.
This is where things got messy. Before we left the bathroom, my wife had to go. So she pooped. But after she pooped on the toilet, we walked her back to the bed and while we were walking she screamed out, “I’m pushing!” More poop came out. I took my wife’s yell seriously and called the nurse and told her my wife was ready to push. The nurse disagreed and helped us walk back to the rocking chair.
As I think back, I really think if we kept my wife on her feet that she could have been delivered an hour or so after that because it really sounded like her contractions were strong and she was ready to push.
So instead of trying to keep labor going, my wife wanted to get comfortable again in the rocking chair, and after feeling bad about making her get in the shower, I let her get back in the rocking chair. This was a terrible idea, because when the nurses changed shifts at 7:00 pm they were still only saying my wife was 7-8 cm.
The nurse change gave me hope. Our new nurse burst on the scene. She was taller and stronger than the previous nurse. After she asked me what the status was and I told her about wanting a natural birth, she said she just did two natural births recently and she was sure we could do it.
The new nurse knew we had to get my wife on her feet, so we got her up and hunched her over me or the side of the bed. My wife’s contractions kept coming even stronger. I don’t know if my wife was in pain or if she was just exhausted from laboring for almost 17 hours (have I mentioned that she didn’t sleep or eat anything?), but we had to keep going. It was during this period I heard things from my wife that I never thought I’d hear. She actually said “Why isn’t the baby here yet?” and “Can’t we just get her out?” I never in my life thought I’d hear my wife say things like this, especially after Bradley classes gave us the idea that she could have a pain-free childbirth.
The nurse and I recognized how much of an improvement it was getting my wife out of bed and on her feet that the nurse presented a bold proposition. Let’s get her sitting on or standing over the exercise ball.
The nurse said she’s used it before, and I trusted her. By about 7:20, she rolled an exercise ball in. I think it was green. As my wife stood hunched over the bed, we slid an exercise ball between her legs and on top of the exercise ball she put some paper towel-like things. Guess what they were for?
The exercise ball worked great! For about 25 minutes we had my wife on the ball and her labor really intensified. Unfortunately at 7:45 they wanted to put her back on the monitor for 15 minutes, so the nurse and I lifted my wife from the ball to the bed. They checked her and my wife was over 8 cm dilated.
We got her back on the exercise ball. Things really kicked into high gear. When contractions came, my wife became convinced she was ready to push. However, it wasn’t until my wife actually said she was pushing during a contraction that the nurse and I actually took her seriously. I can’t remember how many times the nurse and I said to my wife “Just one more contraction before you’re ready.” Actually, I can, it was three or four. Eventually, it must have been around 8:20, my wife said “I’m pushing!” and poop came out. On the exercise ball. The nurse came over to check. She threw the poop-stained towels onto the floor. I think we made my wife go through one or two more contractions, and then we got her back up on the bed. My wife was ready to push.
It’s really hard to believe how quickly things went from that point, because as soon as we got my wife on the bed the nurse checked my wife internally and she said the head was right there. The nurse yelled for the doctor. Another nurse came in to prepare for the delivery, and the doctor peeked his head in and asked how long it would be.
My wife went through another contraction, and the head was there. But the doctor wasn’t. The nurse told the other nurse, “You’d better get the doctor or he’s gonna miss it!” So our doctor finally came in and got set up while my wife began pushing.
My wife’s phone rang. This is no joke. At about 8:30, my wife’s mom called to find out whether the baby had arrived. My wife actually heard the phone ring from her laboring position on the bed and told me to turn it off! We found out later that my wife’s parents had been calling the hospital to try to find out where we were in labor. The hospital wouldn’t tell them either, because that would be a violation of doctor-patient confidentiality.
It really took only two pushes to see the baby’s head. It was on the fourth series of pushes that the doctor said, “Give me three short pushes.” Even I knew this wasn’t going to be possible. My wife pushed really hard and I saw her slowly tear. It was the next series of pushes that brought our baby into the world. At 8:44 pm, Miriam Denise arrived. I can still remember the doctor holding her up and her body just kind of dangling there – it was surreal to see how nonchalantly he scooped the baby up, clamped the cord, and placed the baby on my wife. He asked me if I wanted to cut the cord. I said sure. He said “Well, why didn’t you bring your tools?” How many times has he used that joke? I cut the cord as Miriam lay on my wife’s chest.
After the birth, there was still a lot of work to be done. My wife had to pass the placenta, Miriam needed to be cleaned and weighed, and my wife needed to be stitched up. The doctor and nurses forgot to start the IV after the birth, so it wasn’t until 15 minutes after the birth that they got the IV hooked up and going. The doctor was pretty impatient so he mashed my wife’s belly to loosen up the placenta and then pulled it out with the umbilical cord. The nurses took Miriam and measured and weighed her. She was 7 lbs 9 oz. My wife has since told me that the stitching was very painful; however, during the stitching, she didn’t show much pain. The doctor even marveled at how well my wife took the stitching and I think he was being sincere. I guess the euphoria of holding your child supersedes the pain from giving birth.
Witnessing the birth was pretty amazing. It still fascinates me that life is brought into this world in such a violent and unpredictable manner. A woman pushing during labor is such a forceful act and I remember thinking as Miriam crowned “Wow, so this is REALLY how it happens.” It’s also amazing how little control we have over the process. We did not think that labor would take 19+ hours. By the weekend of December 11-12, my wife seemed to be convinced that Miriam would arrive late. And the stages of labor that we studied beforehand were not as obvious as either of us thought they would be.
Before the birth, I told my wife, “This will be our finest hour.” Was it? No. But while the birth didn’t go completely as we had planned, our daughter is healthy, my wife is healthy, and we were able to achieve a natural childbirth. It’s funny that after my wife gave birth, I thought, “I don’t need to go through that again anytime soon.” After all, I did say to my wife, “You’re uncoachable!” However, two months into fatherhood I am even more excited about the possibility of us having more children. I can only pray that we are blessed enough to go through this process again. Maybe Miriam’s birth was not meant to be our finest hour. Maybe our finest hour is yet to come.
