The Green Room

Why we will never be on HGTV

I go through phases with my television viewing, usually altering between HGTV one month and Food Network the next, with the occasional DIY Network or FitTV spree. I've recently added EWTN to the mix, although more radio than television. Anyway, it had been a couple months before I was in an HGTV phase, so the other night I flipped back to it.

It was one of those first-time homebuyer shows. These are the kind I can sometimes get my husband the scientist to watch with me, as he usually considers them train wrecks. Don't get him started on the actual value of a house, the logic of buying a foreclosure, or really anything to do with the housing market and/or the economy. (Sometimes I do get him started, actually, because I like when he gets riled up about this stuff, and he actually does know what he's talking about.)

Back to the show. They were entering the kitchen, and the realtor explained with disdain that while the counters were made to look like granite, they weren't actually granite. And the girl completely turned up her nose and said "Oh, well we really wanted granite."

I promised my husband right then and there that I would never say that. "Good," he replied.

I was speaking from two whole weeks of experience. One of the perks of moving in with my father-in-law is that we have a brand-new kitchen. They just got it redone last fall. So naturally we have granite countertops. And I have to confess - I'm not really a fan.

Did you know that you actually have to use separate fancy cleaners for each different finish? I can't just wipe things down with a sponge. We have a granite cleaner, a stainless steel cleaner, a cooktop cleaner, and a few other bottles under the sink that I have yet to identify. Give me a break!

I want countertops that are going to hold up for years of wear without special treatment. I want a refrigerator that can hold magnets and be scrubbed with soapy water. I want flooring that is not freezing and conducive to breaking glasses. I would like a kitchen that I can live in - not one where I'm afraid to drop my keys for fear that I'll nick the finish.

So while I am enjoying the upscale kitchen we have now, we will eventually look for a home that we can actually raise a family in. And while updated appliances and good flow will be nice in the kitchen, it will not be the end-all be-all. And if the house in the perfect location has linoleum counters and floors, I will not heave a sigh of disgust and wonder aloud if we have the money to renovate before moving in.

Because I'm lazy practical.