Here's something fun before we head off for our long weekend. I can't take all the credit - more of a joint effort with the Natural Family Planning Facebook Group! Feel free to add more in the comments box!
You know you're an NFP couple when...
1. “That time of the month” means your fertile time, not your period.
2. Your husband informs you that your period will start in the next two days (based on your temperature, not on your mood).
3. You refuse to take any medication that’s not absolutely necessary out of fear that it will affect your mucus signs.
4. You know what Onan’s sin was.
5. You have spent hours agonizing over whether you have “just and serious” reasons to postpone pregnancy.
6. You told a doctor you were using NFP and they immediately started discussing pregnancy…
7. Then after explaining the sympto-thermal method to the doctor, they smile patronizingly and say “Well, let’s just call it 'the rhythm method' anyway.”
8. Your NFP-only OBGYN (if you’re lucky enough to have one) is mocked by the other doctors in their practice… yet the nurses practice it and the patient list just keeps growing.
9. You don’t have sex with a partner – you make love with your spouse.
10. Non-Catholics: Your friends and family are horrified that your decision to use NFP means you’re going to become Catholic.
11. New Catholics: The stance against contraception was one of the things that drew you into the Church. “If they’re right about that, what else are they right about?!”
12. You know Pope Paul VI’s four predictions in Humanae Vitae and consider them prophetic.
13. You have at least one copy of Janet Smith’s Contraception: Why Not?
14. You have a Theology of the Body study guide.
15. You have read a book by Christopher West (probably Good News about Sex and Marriage).
16. You’ve heard arguments for contraception based on the mouth analogy, and can discuss why it’s a bad one.
17. You hate arguing and are terrified of debates, but somehow you’ve become an NFP apologist.
18. Going all-natural with sex has been so successful, you contemplate going organic.
19. You can't figure out how some people can talk so much about "going green" and still use contraception. “Oh, I don't buy meat with hormones added – I take them myself in pill form – lol!”
20. You know that the pill hurts fish.
21. You’re keenly aware of the correlation between the rise in contraception use and the rise in divorce and abortion.
22. In your excitement to explain NFP, you plan to share your chart with someone else – until your spouse reminds you that your aunt might not need to know how many times you had intercourse last month.
23. You have searched for your cervix.
24. You have made your husband search for your cervix.
25. You jumped up and down when you finally found your cervix.
26. You sleep with an extra blanket in the vain hopes that it will help your temperature rise a tenth of a degree higher.
27. You stalk the NFP facebook group just to be reminded that there are people like you out there!
28. You read the NFPworks blog.
29. You have “postponing panties” – baggy and unattractive underwear that only comes out when you’re fertile.
30. You have watched all seven of the seminarian’s YouTube videos.
31. You really do think your husband is noble.
32. You know that a consistent life ethic excludes contraception.
33. Every time your friends who know you're using NFP see you, they ask, "Are you pregnant yet???"
34. When people ask you when you're going to have kids, your husband answers, "Well, we talk about it every month... "
35. You do so well at postponing pregnancy in the beginning of your marriage that non-NFP users believe that you and your hubby must be infertile... then you end up wanting to try to conceive just to prove them wrong.
36. When you get pregnant, knowing the date of the last menstrual period is easy--you could even tell the doctor what it was the same month three years ago because you still have your charts.
37. You are better at estimating your due date than the doctor is.
38. When you find out you're pregnant, instead of taking a picture of the pregnancy test, you save your chart.
39. You just smile when people ask if your pregnancy was "on purpose."
UPDATED January 6, 2010
Additions from NFPworks' blog post on this and a revived NFP facebook group discussion. Some are similar, but I wanted to include everyone's!
40. You can tap your index finger and thumb together in a circle of friends and they know what you're talking about.
41. You've given an NFP CD/pamphlet/brochure to a grocery store clerk.
42. Depending on your intentions, 10KL means "go time" or "let's watch an action movie."
43. You can name at least 5 side effects of contraception.
44. You know what the four F's are.
45. You choose your insurance based on what NFP doctor is in your plan.
46. An uninformed OB with an attitude has made you cry, or at least a little bit angry.
47. You want to do the wave when you hear a priest or deacon actually preach on the ills of contraception, Theology of the Body, and/or NFP.
48. Your pre-Cana or Marriage Prep program totally sucked because they either skipped the NFP bit or totally misrepresented it. (Except for Madison - shout out, Andy!)
49. The Annuale Commercial is at the top of your favorite SNL skits.
50. You've got "Natural Family Planning" on Google Alert.
51. Your get-togethers with friends have more children than adults, and someone is always pregnant... even though NFP is 98% effective.
52. "Family Foundations" is next to the commode
53. The most common phrase you hear from acquaintances is “Are you going to have any more?”
54. You’ve had to explain to your confessor some aspect of Theology of the Body and how your actions may have been sinful.
55. You buy a minivan before the 3rd child has even been conceived
56. You have an autographed copy of Christopher West’s book Good News About Sex and Marriage, but you have more copies on hand for passing around. (Also true for Jason Evert’s Love, Sex & Babies or TOB for Beginners.)
57. You cross check in your head whether or not an event you are invited to will interfere with the first day of Phase III if avoiding (or Phase II if trying to conceive) before committing.
58. Your husband blocks anything on his social calendar on the first night of phase 3.
59. You’ve fibbed to your (non-NFP) doctor about the date of your last menstrual period to make it match up with a Peak day that was later than day 14.
60. Your man starts to panic a little when you're holding a baby in Phase 2.
61. You know you are a NEW NFP couple when AFTER making love, your husband asks if today was a good day for this sort of thing since you're postponing.
62. You are only charting so you can (smugly) tell the doctor when you ovulated once you are pregnant :)
63. When someone makes a scissoring motion with their fingers, it looks really dirty.
64. Every time you are at a store with your happy, large-by-choice family, strangers accost you with a disapproving glance and the question, "Are you done?"
Any you could add?