Have you heard this newest fad word? At first I wondered if it applied to me - I am practically obsessed with starting a family. Then I found out bumpaholic is more of a derogatory term (think "OctoMom"), thanks to this article.
"[E]xperts speculate about the reason women have more than a couple of babies: to get attention. To get waited on hand and foot by our spouses (that, I'm told, is far from a universal experience). To avoid returning to work or having to figure out what to do with our lives next. To get unsolicited comments and belly rubs from strangers. (Oh yeah, ask any pregnant woman; we just LOVE that)."
Seriously? Are any of these experts actually parents? Because I'm pretty sure that most mothers are not getting pregnant for those reasons. I don't even have a child, but I know that once you do, you are no longer getting attention. Your child is.
This outlook is sad to me for two reasons. First, it's ridiculous to compare this seeming "trend" (driven by our contraceptive mentality which treats childbirth as commodities) to true problems like alcoholism. Actually, it's also ridiculous to call pregnancy a trend - it's been happening for, oh, all of human existence!
Second, after all these years, it's sad that we women still have it out for each other. It's like an extension of the fierce debate between working moms and stay-at-home moms - they attack the other side because they feel like the other side is judging them. So they put down the women who make different choices to avoid their own feelings of inferiority. I really don't want to do that. We women need to be in this together! So how about we avoid this new term and call a truce about family sizes.
I'm not gonna criticize a family with lots of kids. (Okay, I might be wary of you if you're on tv, but that's because I'm wary of anyone who's on tv.) "Lots" these days is apparently translated as more than 2. If you end up having 3-12+ children, more power to you! Personally, I want a bunch of kids (luckily my husband the scientist does, too!). I don't want them because I dream about the attention I'll get when my belly's bulging and the cute maternity clothes and the excuse for ice cream whenever I want. I want them because I love children and can't wait to raise our family. I want them because my love for my husband is just overflowing and it's natural and right for that to flow into having children. And I think that love begets love - I'm predicting that more and more love is gonna ooze with each addition to our family, sparking my desire for even more little Brunners to love!
But something could happen. For one of a gazillion reasons, we might not be blessed with a big family. These reasons could be health-related (anything from miscarriages to infertility to depression to cancer to whatever) or not (anything from money problems to job losses to relationship troubles). Of course I'm not referring to us specifically here - and that's why I don't think it's fair for me to judge an individual because they only have 0/1/2 children. They might have bought into the contraceptive mentality and culture of death lifestyle, or their heart might be breaking that they can't have more. Either way, it's a pity.
So while you'll probably hear me critiquing contraception and our culture, I really don't ever want to criticize an individual couple, especially in their amount/timing of pregnancy.
The article's conclusion:
"Why do we question the motives surrounding the decision to have children (or not) with so much more cynicism than we do other decisions? If someone volunteers for a nonprofit or has a large circle of friends, no armchair psychologist would bother to question whether she was trying to "fill a void" with meaningful activity or companionship. It would instead be accepted that creating relationships with other human beings is a normal, natural and human desire.
What about the idea that a large family can be intentionally and intelligently chosen? When did it become weird to like children, to want them . . . even more than two?"