Modesty is never something I've really thought much about. And I was perfectly happy with that. Really, who wants to think about that when you can succumb to the glorious and inundating consumer culture advertising telling you to buy buy buy! The only thought I gave to my clothing purchases was how cheap I could get them. Actually, I also did pay attention to whether or not they were flattering to my figure (years of training from my mother), unlike many women. Then again, I still sometimes bought things that weren't the most flattering, so perhaps that makes me worse?
Anyway, the topic of modesty keeps coming up. I can take a hint. So if you don't mind, I'm going to take this post to work through some of my thoughts on dressing modestly (although I know modesty entails much more than clothing). Feel free to discontinue reading at this time. And more importantly, feel free to let me know your thoughts (or lack thereof) on the matter!
Modesty or something else?
I'd like to start by proposing that there's only about 15 years of a woman's life where she is most likely to base her apparel choices on modesty - the ages of 15-30, give or take a few years. Before that, girls aren't too concerned about revealing too much (they don't have much to reveal yet). After that, I think the beast of self-consciousness overrides modesty. You're hard pressed to find a 40 year old woman who is going to flaunt her body (outside of Hollywood); I'm guessing it's less because she wants to be modest and more because she's self-conscious of certain features.
In the last few years, I've purchased clothing that covers a little more, because I wanted to look appropriate. As I try to dissect the basis of appropriateness in my mind, I think it's a combination of things: consciousness about my body, consciousness about other people's opinions, the dress code of whatever event, and perhaps a smidgen of modesty. Concern about what other people think is probably the top of that list.
What is the motivation behind and meaning of modesty?
So what should our motivation for modesty be? Certainly not peer pressure (which can have positive and/or negative motivations and effects).
Many times in a Christian context I hear the motivation is to help prevent your brother from sinning. In other words, a man can't help but feel desire when he sees certain things, so let's make it easier for him and not show those things. I don't think this is a bad point. However, the argument only goes so far. As feminists have pointed out, the responsibility for a man's actions should not fall completely on a woman. The extreme case of this would be excusing a rape because the victim was "asking for it" in the way she was dressed. No. The responsibility for the action lies solely with the man.
Another argument is that women should dress modestly to prevent themselves from being reduced to objects. I think this is stronger argument, just because it seems modern women can identify more with this. We've all seen the shirts with writing across the chest directing the interlocutor's attention upwards. Women want to be seen as people, not objects. But when our cleavage is hanging out, it's difficult for other people to do that.
And let me say that this is not a male/female thing. When I see a woman who's dressed slutty, I have to confess that I don't usually see her as a person. I know I should look at her as a person, one who is desperate for attention, one who has confused being beautiful with being sexy. But instead I see her as a stereotype; I judge her; and to some extent I do even objectify her. (I know I'm not supposed to. I'm working on that.) So I don't think we need to even bring in the "men just always have sex on their minds" card: everyone is objectifying this woman.
So it seems to me that the primary purpose of modesty is to prevent objectification; to promote seeing the person as a person. A common secondary purpose seems to be to enhance our femininity.
I was just reading an article called "Modesty in the Abrahamic Religions." Some relevant quotes:
Outside of marriage men and women equally are called to be chaste. Modesty is a virtue that protects chastity. Its importance lies in the fact that, as John Paul II says, chastity is a requirement of the person so that the person is never treated merely as a sexual object. ...
Modesty cannot be simply identified with clothing or with the absence of clothing. Shamelessness comes about when the person gives in too easily to the sensual reaction to the opposite sex and reduces the person’s “body and sex” to a mere object of enjoyment. The human body in itself is not shameful nor is human sensuality in general. ...
Men have a particular responsibility to understand their greater orientation to sexual values and strive for self-mastery. The woman has a responsibility to dress and act in a way that enhances her femininity and at the same time conceals appropriately those parts of her body that are likely to arouse men’s sexual desire. The type of dress will depend on the activity the man and woman are engaged in. Playing tennis or performing in a ballet will require a different kind of dress and exposure than the dress worn for a business meeting or attending Church. ...
Today’s dress for women reveals much about our sex-saturated, androgynous, materialist and individualist culture. Dress often seems designed to conceal the sex of the wearer, or if it reveals it to make the body a sexual object. There is a real task for Christians to restore the dignity of the body and sexuality by consciously espousing those values in dress that enhance dignity, modesty, femininity and beauty.
How do I practically implement this?
I started writing this section and was completely overwhelmed. I'm going to take a day (or maybe a week) to think this through. In the meantime, I'd love to hear your thoughts and suggestions!
Want to read more?
Here are some other interesting discussions of modesty from some blogs I've read. While I don't agree with everything these women do, it's great food for thought!
Betty Beguiles discussions about modesty - particularly The Counter-Cultural Virtue and Behind Your Veil
The Apple Cider Mill discussions about modesty - particularly Modest by Any Means: The Four Faces of Modesty and Thoughts on Modesty
Pursuing Titus 2 discussions about modesty
Domestic Felicity discussions about modesty (Orthodox Jewish perspective)