I mentioned the other day that NFP has sort of led us toward an Attachment Parenting (AP) mentality. I should probably clarify that I started down this road rather reluctantly.
I recall sitting in my third and final NFP class - the one where you realize that extended breastfeeding is really important to extending your return to fertility. I had always just assumed I'd breastfeed, but never thought about the particulars of it, so that was no big deal. I didn't really have any idea of how long most people did it anyway. Then the instructor talked a little bit about feeding according to baby's cues, and how scheduled feedings and "crying it out" was not the perfect solution. Well of course that was just silly. Everyone knows if you don't let the baby cry it out, they'll grow up to be spoiled!
I didn't think too much more about what ecological breastfeeding would mean for our parenting style, because babies were still a ways off for us. That was probably for the best. I would have looked at breastfeeding "on demand" and other AP practices as way too much work and written them off altogether.
The Attachment Parenting practices I'm referring to include things like breastfeeding, baby wearing, co-sleeping, and just generally responding to your child's cues. There are no specific things you "must" do to be able to say that you follow AP - it's more of a cluster of behaviors and general outlook. Here's how Dr. Sears explains it and here's how Wikipedia defines it.
As I said, my initial thoughts on this were that it would be way too much work for me and produce spoiled kids. But the more I read and learned, the more I realized that my knee-jerk reaction might not be accurate. For example, which would be easier when it was time to feed in the middle of the night: to be half-asleep and just reach over and nurse the baby when she started fussing, or to wait until I wake up to her screaming in the other room, go and make the bottle, sooth the baby, feed her the bottle, and finally stumble back to bed? I realize I haven't had to experience either scenario yet, but I'm pretty sure that the first is the one I'll prefer. (So sure that we haven't even purchased a crib yet and are starting with a co-sleeper.)
But what about spoiling kids? It was quite a revelation when I realized that infants aren't actually out to manipulate their parents. A newborn isn't crying because they aren't getting their way - they're crying because they actually need something. Of course, once they get a bit older children are going to cry to try to get their way, and I expect to ignore a lot of tears and tantrums when those days come. The transition between those two times might be murky and difficult. But hopefully by then we'll be "attached" enough that discerning between crying out of need and crying out of want will be easier, and we'll know how to respond appropriately.
Because, to be frank, we don't want our kids to be spoiled brats and we don't want to be obsessive helicopter parents.
Of course in my zeal to figure out how to accomplish this, I've taken to researching the heck out of AP. Tomorrow I'll discuss the three approaches to Attachment Parenting, in the form of three books, that I found most interesting. There's the psychological approach that the Sears take in The Baby Book, the Catholic approach that the Popcaks take in Parenting with Grace, and the biological approach that Small takes in Our Babies, Ourselves.
One of the things I like most about AP is that there aren't hard and fast rules. Sure, you can find more strict guidelines for it out there, but the idea is that these are more like techniques that you can use, in whatever way works best for your family. We've yet to figure out what the right combination will be for ours, since our daughter isn't here yet, and I expect what we do at first will evolve as our family continues to develop. There's a reason this post is entitled "The Appeal of AP" and not "Why We Will Absolutely Follow Every AP Principle to the Letter." But overall, we're definitely looking forward to starting parenthood from an AP approach.
Do you have any favorite parenting approach? What is your experience with/opinions on Attachment Parenting?
Related:
Apparently AP just got a scathing review, which Hyacinth replied to here. Cotton Babies also replied to it, not focusing on AP itself but more on mommy war attitudes.